It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
