i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
