Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
