Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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