you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
