this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
