someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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