we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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