hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
