I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
