just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
