You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
