I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
