i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
