The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
