I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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