Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
