Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
