Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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