just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
