seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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