Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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