Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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