she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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