Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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