My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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