you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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