one might say we're banned from that church
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
