those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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