is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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