Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
