there's paper in my vomit.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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