I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I believe in your delicious
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
