my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
