walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
