Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
