I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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