I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
