Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
