Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think we might need a safe word for this...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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