K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize