K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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