she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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