9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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