I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
