Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
People in love make me want to vomit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
