I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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