I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
