i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
