Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
