I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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