That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
