I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
