well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
