I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
