You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
