I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
