he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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