the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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