How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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