you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
