grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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