A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
