Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Couch. On fire.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
