I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
