I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
