and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
