My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What a dumb baby whore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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