If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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