im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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