lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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