True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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