You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
