I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize