Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
