Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize