so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
